Tuesday, April 9, 2013

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I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but in order to bring home the bacon I masquerade as a hostess at a local restaurant for around 15 hours a week. I say masquerade because half of the things I have to do/experience when I’m on the clock no sane person would ever want to do or experience in their normal day to day life, let alone in their job. As a sane and (hopefully) productive citizen (shoutout to my Dad there), I like to think that this is not my true identity, but only a dress up game I have to endure on the weekends and occasional weeknight (Lord in heaven I hope I don’t ever say that about a real job).

Anyway, one thing this job is really good for is boosting my self-confidence. I’ve never been hit on by so many guys in my life (granted, most of them are some degree of intoxicated, but that’s beside the point). It’s also minorly depressing to see how deflated they get when I have to (kindly, mind you) get them to go and enjoy their meal and leave me the heck alone.

For example, this happened to me a few months ago:

Drunk Guy: Heeeeyyyy.
Me: Um. Hi.
DG: Whassyourname?
Me: Um. Kate.
DG: Kateeee. You know, you’re realllypedasdfasdf
Me: What?
DG: You’re really prettttyyyy will you marry me?
Me: Heh, heh, you’re funny?
DG: No, serrrrrsly, marrryy meee?
Me: Ask me again in the morning.

Very flattering, I know. Or this gem:

T (name reduced for privacy of pervert): I swear, Kate, every time I come in here you look even hotter than the last time.
Me: Oh stop it T, your eyesight’s going (T is over 50).
T: No, I’m serious, if you went to Wheaton back when I was there you would be the hottest girl on campus. Those chicks were trolls.
Me (dryly): Oh, stop, you’re making me blush. Red really isn’t my color
T: I know I’m too old for you, but just look at my son. (Shows me picture of very ugly son) Would you please date him? He’s desperate. I need you in my family.
Me: Tempting, but I’m just too busy hostessing! Either ask M (my boss) to let up on my hours or ask me in five months.
T: You’re a firecracker.
Me: You’re an idiot. JUST KIDDING I probably just smiled and told him I had to go find menus or something.

Anyway, needless to say my view on men is a little cynical at the moment. Mostly because the majority of the men hitting on me are drunk, but who am I to say? I saw this post this morning and my faith in men was instantly restored. These pictures are absolutely stunning and with wedding season coming up (one of my good friends just got engaged last week!), I’m getting majorly in the spirit. This is my favorite part of the wedding, when the bride makes her big entrance and the groom breaks into the most genuine smile of joy you can imagine. There’s nothing more beautiful. Enjoy these heartwarming pictures of the sweetest grooms seeing their brides for the first time and send a little prayer my way that I, too, will be lucky enough to end up with a guy that doesn’t view standing up on the bar and singing “Every Breath You Take” as a good way to impress a lady.

Happy Tuesday!

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  1. I had a dream that I had your job last night...not pretty.

    1. Ha! I had a dream last night we had a pancake batter war...also not pretty